just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
