New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
