just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
