I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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