whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to make out with him forever
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
