My hand turned me down
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
