I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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