Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
