Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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