feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
