I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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