i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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