saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
