When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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