Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
