I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
