at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
