she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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