I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
