At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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