sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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