you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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