I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
