would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize