Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bring me that man meat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
