I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ladies don't puke and tell
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
