We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
