Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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