He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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