I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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