so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize