Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.