so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.