I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.