i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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