it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
