I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
