is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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