her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
