my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize