Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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