At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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