hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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