Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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