my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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