and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
