since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
