i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
