We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
