I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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