i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
