sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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