you guys were way drunker than both of me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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