hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
