Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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