I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
