K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
