oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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