We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
