I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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