$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
