I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
