I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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