i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
