I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
