Your dad touched me again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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