I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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