So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
