I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
