The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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