Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
