Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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