I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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