I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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