yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
