i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
