I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
