She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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