my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
